Get help to end Destructive Arguing
Destructive arguing can be a major threat to a relationship and a source of possible separation.
Learn techniques to find out why you argue the way you do and how to turn it into a constructive exchange.
Arguments and disagreements are a common occurrence in relationships, and to a certain degree, they’re part of a healthy relationship as they show that both parties are expressing their feelings. However, it can become unhealthy if disputes are a common occurrence in your relationship and you aren’t communicating effectively.
Here, we’ll take a look at how you and your partner can prevent arguments from becoming unhealthy, which in turn will help build a stronger relationship.
Firstly, the best way to prevent arguments from happening is to simply talk to one another. If these arguments are a common occurrence, what are the triggers? It’s vital to learn about the triggers to understand why they keep happening.
If you and your partner don’t talk enough, this can spark arguments, so it’s advised to ensure you take the time to speak to one another every day.
In what tone do you and your partner talk to one another in? How we talk to one another can determine how the other reacts, so it’s vital to ensure you’re both using the right tone.
Talk at a moderate pace, not too slow or too fast, ensure you have pauses to allow your partner to process what is being said. By approaching conversations as neutral as possible will help with preventing a heated conversation.
If it’s a bad habit causing arguments, it is best to talk with your partner about what is getting on your nerves. A bad habit cannot always be stopped, but discussing things which get on your nerves, will make you more aware around one another. If this isn’t addressed, it could lead to bigger disagreements down the line.
When you’re talking with your partner, saying ‘you’ statements are likely to make your partner feel attacked. To avoid accusing your partner of being the problem, rephrase your statement into an ‘I’. This will make the conversation more about your feelings, rather than your partner’s actions; this will allow you to control your emotions and prevent your partner from becoming defensive.
A heated discussion can instantly turn into a heightened argument when voices are raised. Louder voices will overtake listening to each other’s feelings and point, and survival mode will kick in.
If during a discussion, voices become raised, take a step back rather than yelling in response, listen to your partner and once they’ve finished their point, talk back in a normal voice. This is often a hard task when you want your point to be heard but will help bring the heightened argument back to a discussion, and will ensure the outcomes are as effective as they can be.
Avoiding confrontation can lead to bigger arguments in the future. However, if emotions are running high, it may not be the best time to have the discussion. Take some time to compose yourself and get your head clear before speaking with your partner.
These conversations can’t be avoided and need to be resolved, but both of you must be in the right headspace. Figure out a good time to speak for the both of you, so both of you understand the situation hasn’t been ignored.
One of the most common reasons arguments start is not listening to one another. In a relationship, we should do equal amounts of talking and listening, so when your partner is talking, ensure you give them your full attention and your partner should do the same for you.
One thing which can make arguments snowball into something more serious is by stockpiling things which you’ve argued about in the past. Leave these where they belong, in the past, until you have learned how to talk about them in a way that does not trigger a blame game. Allow yourself to move forward by trying our tips here.
This isn’t always easy, especially when having a heated discussion with your partner as we tend to let our emotions overwhelm us. If we don’t think before we speak, we tend to make poorly informed statements, and you could hurt your partner’s feelings, even if you don’t intend to. Thinking before you speak is a good habit to have as it will help to improve your relationship and allow you to express yourself in a more effective way.
It’s essential to remember you’re both on the same team and ultimately, you’ll both want what’s best for your relationship. Every relationship will have conflict, but it’s how you both resolve it, which is important and helps the partnership to become stronger.
Here at Remainly, we offer an online, video-based, relationship counselling service led by a trained therapist. If you require help working on your communication skills, rebuilding intimacy, combating repetitive arguments or dealing with infidelity, our abundance of pathways can help you and your partner to build a better life together. To find out how we can help you, get in touch today.
