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"I have seen many couples in counselling over the years that have one thing in common: They should have come sooner. If they had, it would have been considerably easier to achieve their goal of a more fulfilling relationship" says certified psychologist and couples therapist Andreas Narum.
Many couples I meet, have had the same arguments on repeat for a long time. They may consider a break-up, but finally decide to try counselling first. Usually, it doesn't take too long for me to teach them proven and practical techniques for avoiding this.
A very common comment on their way out is: "I wish we had search for couples counselling a long time ago".
A lot of couples may not consider seeking external help feeling that this may be perceived as failure. Couples may hope that things will sort out by themselves. They do not realise the benefit of professional relationship advice.
Our self help programs are confodential and self-explanatory.
Information video - Couples counselling
When your relationship are in a crisis
At times of crises many couples use much of their energy to argue. They end up in endless circles of accusations and defence mechanisms, arguments may become repetitive and rejections ice cold. These couples feel that they are being driven further and further apart.
If there has been infidelity, all problems gets worse and you may even feel that the easiest solution would be to go separate ways.
If you want to save a relationship in a crisis, it is necessary to find external help. There have been many others couples before you who have been helped to resolve the same problems you are facing.
If both of you want to find your way back to a normality and discover a better connection in your relationship, it is possible if you are willing to invest the time and effort.
The time to get some help and talk is if poor communication is causing problems in your relationship. Alot of people struggle to open up and express their emotions. Therefore, it is a good idea to seek external advice on how to establish ways to avoid arguments and find good habits in the relationship.
These problem is often what we call silent topics. As couples struggle to communicate the number of topics you avoid increases in fear of starting an argument. Regardless of avoiding the conversations, the lack of communication methods will cause the number of arguments to rise.
To avoid this, it is vital to:
We know from years of experience that it's a good idea to see a counsellor on a regular basis, even when everything is going fine. This is because at this time it is still relatively easy to change little behaviours that may have a greater influence in the long run.
When both partners are calm and relaxed, it is much easier to talk about the little irritations in everyday life that may eventually turn into friction. When you are doing ok, you can learn how to avoid bad habits before they appear, and you can start establishing good habits. This is also a great time to explore your individual differences.
Many of the troubles that appear between partners are related to individual differences that turn into frustrating behaviour for both parties. For instance, if one of you is tidier than the other, this may become a never-ending source of frustration for both of you.
However, if you establish ways to discuss this and learn that it is a part of your personality, you may find that the differences are possible to talk about without nagging, with respect and tolerance. It is much easier to tweak your habits in the right direction before time has cemented your patterns of behaviour in a negative way.
Many people think you need to be in a crisis in order to seek relationship advice, this is not necessarily the case. All relationships need a regular maintenance. Small tweaks in your everyday, practical habits may work far better than expensive spabreaks or holidays.
One common problem for many couples, is that they develop automatic patterns of behaviour that are harmful to the relationship. Such patterns are almost impossible to change without external help. Allowing these bad habits to grow can greatly increase the risk of a break up, therefore it is sound advice to seek counselling while you still have the drive needed to make the changes. Very often these changes consist of adapting a few good, daily habits, and identifying bad habits. This is a lot easier to do when you don't have a crisis to deal with.
It may be that one of the partners is keener to seek external help than the other. This is quite common, but if you are the reluctant part, don't hesitate. Just showing your partner that you are willing to make improvements will increase your bond and gain trust.
Partners who refuse to join their partner in seeking help, may often wait until an ultimatum is given. By acting sooner, you can prevent much stress, heartache and a possible break-up.
Information video - To the skeptical partner
Led by leading Scandinavian couples counselling expert, Andreas L Narum, our videos and assignments will guide you towards an improved relationship with your partner. How do we know it works? We’ve helped thousands of couples get their relationship back on track and we are constantly updating and improving our service.
Unlike traditional couples counselling, at Remainly, it doesn’t matter how quickly or slowly you choose to go, meaning that there is minimal outside pressure. This can be particularly beneficial for those who are more introverted and perhaps struggle to open up.
There are no meetings, schedules or time restrictions, you can pick a time that suits you in the comfort of your own home.
Try Remainly and join thousands of other satisfied couples who have said yes to an improved relationship.
There is a wide range of options for couples counselling in the big cities in the UK and Ireland. London, Manchester, Birmingham, Liverpool, Newcaste, Glasgow, Dublin and Belfast etc, have a lot of options if you as a couples feel you need external advice and guidance.
